Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
