she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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