Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
