The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
