I met the friendliest cop last night
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
