then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
