Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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