im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
