guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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