How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
