What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
