Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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