I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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