The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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