Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
