no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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