Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
