I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
