tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Oh god it's open bar.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
