All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
