Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
