Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
