Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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