My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
