O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
