My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
