Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My penis needs a shock collar
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
