NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
