We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
