How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
