well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
