if i can run in heels then i can drive
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
