the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
did i walk over a car last night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
