I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
