let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
