just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
