I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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