yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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