Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
