i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
