Just fell off a train. Bad.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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