o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
