puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
a search helicopter?!
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Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
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You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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