all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
