Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
