hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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