I don't usually arrange sex via text message
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
