Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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