Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
