FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
