i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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