when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
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Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
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Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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