I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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