I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
