I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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