I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
