the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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