i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
