So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
