I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
