He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
