dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
