Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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