How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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