U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The uberlube is also flammable
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
