I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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