Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
