You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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