I need help removing her.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
