don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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