I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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